Do you have to have facial hair to join the AFHC?
Yes, but we are pretty sure that all humans have facial hair.
Does it itch?
If you keep growing your facial hair it will either eventually stop bothering you or you will get used to it.
Do you wash it like hair?
Do you brush it?
My beard won’t grow longer than (gesture length of beard). Why?
Your beard has reached Terminal Length. If you want you can try mayo treatments and other radical moisturizers. Terminal Length usually means your hair gets too brittle and breaks off after a certain length.
What does your shirt say?
Shirts don’t talk.
How do you eat?
Just like you, except we have to take care and mind the monster beard.
How do you kiss?
Tenderly, as all kisses should be. But, a kiss without a mustache is like soup without salt.
Are you in ZZ Top?
Not in real life.
Why do you grow it out?
Because it is who I am; It is what happens when I try to be me.
How do I get in touch with you?
Send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
Where can I send Fan Mail or samples of beard-related products?
1514 Ed Bluestein Blvd
Austin, TX 78721